Beads of clear fluid trickled down from my forehead, soaking my semi synthetic attire. Like a gushing stream, which shows no sign of stopping, my tee-shirt had already soaked in my sweat.
Like the same gushing stream, I too, had showed no sign of stopping. I had lost count of the number of buildings and road which I had tossed far behind from me. It was as if I had run through a concrete jungle.
Nothing so far had stopped me from running except the air resistance which not only carried away my fatigue, but also carried away the pungent smell given off by my soaking wet attire.
It already had been a week since that incident. That very incident which might has gotten me a bad record, but she had appealed against it even though she was the victim.
I was pathetic, why do people want to be good to me, please stop being good to me. Seriously, I do not deserve that, not from anyone, especially her.
Why did she still treat me like that…?
Like nothing had happened…
My head bombarded with tons of questions which had no answer, like an open ended question as if questioning why the parents showered their child with loves.
I couldn’t let myself to think so much anymore.
What’s important right now is for me to keep myself fit and healthy as what my coach had said last time.
“The only way to win any opponent is to outlive him…”
Only this part of his quote had left quite an impact in me. I had forgotten what else he had mentioned.
With that in mind, my legs started picking up speed and I had dashed for a number of distances. However distance is not what I really want to cover, but the images of her, Audrey.
The setting sun had dyed the surrounding in its golden radiance, with the surrounding trees casting long dark shadows across the park horizontally, forming an arched silhouette.
The very park which brought me tons of memories with the first girl I liked.
She, who offered her hand toward me when I need help,
She, who helped indiscriminately,
She, who always appeared so happy,
Yet, keeping everything to herself
It had only been 10 years since then.
Right now the playground was surrounded by long sheet of zinc, as if like a wall of the castle, preventing anyone from entering. The brown rusty chain of the swing and its torn rubber seat had shown that it had experienced all sorts of weathers and vandalism as long as it can be remembered.
The very swing which reminds me of my past, where I got myself cut and bruised, yet she is the one who attended to my injuries.
The merry-go-round which had disappeared from the modern playground can be found right here. The metal rings with the raised platform, had rusted badly and slanted sideway, making it unusable anymore.
The wooden see-saw which arched dangerously high was now partially rotten after drenching in countless number of thunderstorms, however still erecting high up despite its condition.
Reminding me of her screams whenever I played see-saw with her and refusing to lower her, lifting her high up in the air.
The mini house underneath the slides had been vandalized by unsightly graffiti. Although it was small but it housed a lot of feelings and words as the all part of the wall was written with black markers pen or burnt marks from the candles.
The very house which I had spent together with her during stormy days when it rained or when she refused to go home was still remained as it was.
The whole playground was indeed a hideout for me, it also served as the location for our rendezvous and here is also where the first time I saw her.
I was not the only one who reminisced over the past of this playground.
There was another girl around my age, was looking at the playground, as if that place hold some memories for her as well.
I couldn’t bother much, except to continue running.
Her bundled up hair was glowing in slight brown under the setting sun, and her eyes was fixating at mine while I ran past her.
Her eyes, her expression was as if somehow resembled her.
“Dawn?”
This is the name which flashed from my mind, the name of the very first girl which I had liked.
My eyes too was looking into hers while I ran, she too was looking at me as if both of us looked somewhat familiar.
It only lasted 7 seconds and it soon ended as though we had just walked away from each other lives.
No matter how much she or Audrey resembled her, there is no way that they can be her.
She, who I loved,
She, who I wanted to tell her how much I liked
but till the end, I never be able to say it out.
The three words “I love you” which I couldn’t say.
However, it’s meaningless right now…
Even though, it is the same sun for both dawn and dusk but skies casted by them was differently.
Even though, I was given the same 24 hours a day, but the time spent with her was also different. In fact, how I wished that I could exchange half of time just to be with her.
But it’s meaningless to think of it anymore.
Like the playground which was about to be removed, she no longer existed. I couldn’t help but to clutch my fist tightly as if I was about to break them.
“What is the point of being so strong yet couldn’t even save her smile?”
My past was slowly taken away from someone bit by bits and yet I couldn’t do anything to prevent that.
The only thing I could do was to search for you, at our playground, at our street.
Even though I know you won’t come here anymore…
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