Author Note

Dearest Reader (:

I apologized for not being able to update the story on time especially when I did not write anything for the past 6 months. Really sorry about it.

For the past 6 months, i have been researching on couples of stuffs for this story, notably the characters design, the plot and the environment. No doubt, while researching, I came upon many different sort of experiences and feelings which kinds of hard to explain them down in words.

Most weekends, I have been going around my neighborhood, seeking for inspiration and ideas. I've taken a hobby of photography where i made it a point for me to take a photo a day.

Check out my gallery here :

Dusk - http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=154952&id=536058067&ref=mf
Sky - http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=109614&id=536058067&ref=mf

Both galleries contains photos of clouds. For me, it kind of crucial especially when the current chapter was talking about a girl call Dawn. Also, i been listening to couple of instrumental pieces which are really sad yet motivational.

Also, i believe that i couldn't improve without hearing comments from the others, thus I'll be working together with some of my friends who are into story-writing as well.

Lastly, a peek of what i want to write for the current chapter , Repeat.
It will be based partially on my past experiences, added with some music background and lots of skies.

So stay tune!

Repeat 1 - Encounter

Beads of clear fluid trickled down from my forehead, soaking my semi synthetic attire. Like a gushing stream, which shows no sign of stopping, my tee-shirt had already soaked in my sweat.

Like the same gushing stream, I too, had showed no sign of stopping. I had lost count of the number of buildings and road which I had tossed far behind from me. It was as if I had run through a concrete jungle.

Nothing so far had stopped me from running except the air resistance which not only carried away my fatigue, but also carried away the pungent smell given off by my soaking wet attire.

It already had been a week since that incident. That very incident which might has gotten me a bad record, but she had appealed against it even though she was the victim.

I was pathetic, why do people want to be good to me, please stop being good to me. Seriously, I do not deserve that, not from anyone, especially her.

Why did she still treat me like that…?
Like nothing had happened…

My head bombarded with tons of questions which had no answer, like an open ended question as if questioning why the parents showered their child with loves.

I couldn’t let myself to think so much anymore.
What’s important right now is for me to keep myself fit and healthy as what my coach had said last time.

“The only way to win any opponent is to outlive him…”

Only this part of his quote had left quite an impact in me. I had forgotten what else he had mentioned.

With that in mind, my legs started picking up speed and I had dashed for a number of distances. However distance is not what I really want to cover, but the images of her, Audrey.

The setting sun had dyed the surrounding in its golden radiance, with the surrounding trees casting long dark shadows across the park horizontally, forming an arched silhouette.

The very park which brought me tons of memories with the first girl I liked.

She, who offered her hand toward me when I need help,
She, who helped indiscriminately,
She, who always appeared so happy,
Yet, keeping everything to herself

It had only been 10 years since then.

Right now the playground was surrounded by long sheet of zinc, as if like a wall of the castle, preventing anyone from entering. The brown rusty chain of the swing and its torn rubber seat had shown that it had experienced all sorts of weathers and vandalism as long as it can be remembered.

The very swing which reminds me of my past, where I got myself cut and bruised, yet she is the one who attended to my injuries.

The merry-go-round which had disappeared from the modern playground can be found right here. The metal rings with the raised platform, had rusted badly and slanted sideway, making it unusable anymore.

The wooden see-saw which arched dangerously high was now partially rotten after drenching in countless number of thunderstorms, however still erecting high up despite its condition.

Reminding me of her screams whenever I played see-saw with her and refusing to lower her, lifting her high up in the air.

The mini house underneath the slides had been vandalized by unsightly graffiti. Although it was small but it housed a lot of feelings and words as the all part of the wall was written with black markers pen or burnt marks from the candles.

The very house which I had spent together with her during stormy days when it rained or when she refused to go home was still remained as it was.

The whole playground was indeed a hideout for me, it also served as the location for our rendezvous and here is also where the first time I saw her.

I was not the only one who reminisced over the past of this playground.

There was another girl around my age, was looking at the playground, as if that place hold some memories for her as well.

I couldn’t bother much, except to continue running.

Her bundled up hair was glowing in slight brown under the setting sun, and her eyes was fixating at mine while I ran past her.

Her eyes, her expression was as if somehow resembled her.

“Dawn?”

This is the name which flashed from my mind, the name of the very first girl which I had liked.

My eyes too was looking into hers while I ran, she too was looking at me as if both of us looked somewhat familiar.

It only lasted 7 seconds and it soon ended as though we had just walked away from each other lives.

No matter how much she or Audrey resembled her, there is no way that they can be her.

She, who I loved,

She, who I wanted to tell her how much I liked
but till the end, I never be able to say it out.
The three words “I love you” which I couldn’t say.

However, it’s meaningless right now…

Even though, it is the same sun for both dawn and dusk but skies casted by them was differently.

Even though, I was given the same 24 hours a day, but the time spent with her was also different. In fact, how I wished that I could exchange half of time just to be with her.

But it’s meaningless to think of it anymore.

Like the playground which was about to be removed, she no longer existed. I couldn’t help but to clutch my fist tightly as if I was about to break them.

“What is the point of being so strong yet couldn’t even save her smile?”

My past was slowly taken away from someone bit by bits and yet I couldn’t do anything to prevent that.

The only thing I could do was to search for you, at our playground, at our street.

Even though I know you won’t come here anymore…

Strategy 24 - lächeln

“What? Still not done yet?”

I asked her with my mouth arching upward, forming a slightly frowned face. This does not happened once, but couple of times when she sneaked out just to informed me that there are some checkups which she had not done with yet.

Without giving me an answer, she smiled sweetly, with the corner of her lips hooked themselves to my heart, before returning back to the room.

Her red smile is all what it takes to calm the anxiousness in my heart.

Couple of things had happened for the past few days, with both of us finally discharged from the hospital. However, Audrey was still as impulsive as ever, especially after she found out that the bloody incident involving me was not what she thought was.

Also, I was even surprised when the doctor had requested a body checkup on her instead of me, someone who got stabbed in my stomach.

It is not that I wanted to drag this any longer but I was really worried about her when the doctor mentioned about the checkup.

What could have happened to her?

I’m pretty sure there is no other way to reassure me apart from the test result. Therefore, I promised to accompany her for the checkup.

Thus, I was here in the very same hospital for the third time in my life despite having an exam which supposed to start right now.

Still… A promise is a promise.

Sitting on the cold hard plastic seat along the hallway, waiting for her to finish dozens of body checkups she need to take, hoping that the next time she left the room was the time for us to leave the this place.

The people who had walk passed me, seems like the seconds hand of the clock, ticking away as though telling me that the time I spent waiting here was significant.

My eyelids were as heavy as metal, keep shutting for countless amount of time.

“I’m done!!”

Her energetic voice pierced through the silent hallway, so loudly that many pairs of eyes were staring at her, wondering what had happened.

The voice of the very same girl was right now standing right in front of me. Her pink lips spread like the sun on the horizon with bright emotion coming right of her face.

She placed her small fragile-looking hands onto my shoulder, trying to lift me up, but to no avail.

“Come… come…”

Her alluring voice which seems inviting me to follow whatever she say, had successfully made gave up my seat as I stood up.

The same girl was now looking upward onto my face while intertwining her hands with mine.

With her smile which radiates from her mouth, she said.

“Where shall we go next?”

I stood blankly for a moment before replying.

“I need to do a checkup as well…”

With a questioning expression on her face, she replied.

“For?”

It was a short and quick reply of her, as she was wondering on why did I said that for.

“To get a MC of course…”

I replied without thinking through my head as it is common sense for to get it the MC right now.

“For?”

Again, she asked that again.
This time with her head cocked to the right with a big question mark on top of her head.

“For my exam…-”

With her enlarged pupils, she stared straight into my eyes with a jaw dropping expression.

The next moment, a loud piercing sound echoed through the hallway, leaving my back burning as if an inferno had strike on. The force was so powerful despite coming from a girl who has a small built.

I wished I could scream, but I didn’t. Instead, I turned back and looked at her.

She frowned, but bits of smiles still leaked out like tiny cake crump sticking onto her mouth.

Her simple smirk, lights up my heart like a shooting star on a midnight sky.
For an instant, all the warmth and happiness had been poured. Not into the sky, but into my heart.

Nonetheless, the most beautiful thing about her was her smile…

Strategy 23 - Leben

Life is unpredictable, it’s always good to prepare for the unprepared and expect the unexpected. Talking seems so easy but how could people even prepared for something which is unexpected?

Nonetheless, at this moment of time, unexpected thing really happened.

Neither did I expect Audrey to come nor did she expect to see me in this bloody mess.

The first gift I gave to her after a day of separation or so was the tears and emotionless expression on her face.

“Kobe… you really failed…” I said that to myself even after I promised to make her laugh and live happily like a princess in her palace.

But in reality, I made her cried so much.

Her tearful face and her blacken eye filled with emptiness were the last thing I saw before she escape from reality.

Maybe ignorance is bliss but I could not pretend that nothing had happened anymore. The only thing I did was to grab onto her hand, preventing her from running away.

No- I don’t want her to run away from me. I held her hands tightly, as if chaining her down here.

Turning her head, she looked at me with a shocked expression as she was trying to have a grip on what is going on. Our eyes met, but this isn’t enough as I pretty sure she is going to run away sooner or later. I need to do something…

“Audrey… I’m-“

Her soft hand covered my mouth before I could end my sentence.
She was right in front of my face, with her hand covering my mouth as if telling me that it is okay for me not to speak.

“Don’t leave me behind…” She cried while holding onto me so tightly as if she was holding onto someone is about to disappear into the thin air. It was her turn to chain me down.

Her face was so close to me until I could feel her tears running down from my cheek like a tiny river stream flowing downwards.

She is still crying.
I need to assure her that I am okay in order to stop her from crying.

“Audrey… I’m okay…-“

“No you’re not!”

She denied as if I was a little kid trying to lie to my mother.

“Okay…I’m not…”

The words slipped off from my mouth without second thought.
If only I knew what is going on in her mind, I would wish that I never said that.

“I knew that you’re not…”

She cried even harder and I could hardly move anymore especially she gripped so tightly onto me.

I was speechless as I could not know what to do at right now. Never did someone teach me how to react to this situation. She was stubborn and I know that I was weak to this attack of her. But still, I need to do something.

I held onto her hand which was covering my mouth.

Her hand filled with uneven patch of bloodstain and the fresh scar pricked by the needles. Ruby blood was flowing out slowly from her hand, staining both her already-stained clothes and my hand redder.

Right now, it was not her blood which I am holding, but it was her very own life.

The scars of her hand was caused by herself as she rushed here impulsively, the desire to see me was so great that she couldn’t care about herself. I was angry at her impulsive act, but at the same time, I was touched by it.

This moment, the girl whom I love was gripping tightly onto me, as if telling me that she wants to be with me forever. Anyone who saw it will be envy of it, I was really lucky to have her.

“I will not leave you ever again…”

I assured her by holding tightly onto her as this is the something which she really deserved and the only thing I could do right now.

Her hair brushed onto my face as she was nodding her head.

Both of us were holding each other tightly, so tightly that her clothes were stained with my heavy blood-stained clothes, so tightly that my hands were covered with her blood as well.

It was messy but it didn’t stop us from embracing each others.

The two held onto each others like how the Earth is bind closely with the sky. Both of them had promised each others that they will never leave one another again.

The color red means life.
For the both of them, this is the beginning of their new life, where two of them have promised themselves to walk into the unpredictable future together.

Strategy 22 - Fesseln

The room is pale yet full of texture. With nothing obstructing the semi-gloss glass panel, bright white light covers the four walls and the turquoise tiles, engulfing the room in this holy ray.

There is no stereo, television, only murmur of conversation which reached from outside occasionally.

Standing at in front of the single-size bed directly below me against the wall, I could smell the toasty warmth of newly-dried sheet.

There he was, Kobe, lying on his side, gripping onto the blanket tightly like a brown koala bear gripping onto the bark of the trees.

His face was slightly tanned, with slight injuries marks engraved on it, having a different tale behind each of them. All along, I knew that he was trying his very best to quit his past but all sort of dangers was lying in front of the process of quitting this past.

All the while, he had done so many things.

So much, to keep me alive until now…
So much, that he wants me to live happily like a princess in the fairytale by giving me all the happiest moments as much as he can.
So much, that he valued my life over his, protecting me without fail in regardless of the strength of the opponents…

At this very moment of time, he who had always been alerted is now resting peacefully onto the bed. His face which his eyes were shut tightly as he wandered off into his own dreamland, had assured my mind that he was at least ok.

For which he had finally take a rest before me where he always use to watch me sleep before he could and always look over me whenever I woke up.

With his body so tilted toward the side of the bed, I couldn’t help but to adjust his body to the side just in case when he falls off the bed as he tossed.

With both of my hands, I removed the blanket which he gripped tightly on, slowly away from him. The blanket easily followed my hand as I moved as though that there is no strength in his grip.

I placed my hands around his waist, thinking how much force I need to exert to move this sleeping log. Instead of feeling the slight warm of his body, I felt something cold and thick as my hand brushed through his waist, so weird that I removed my hand and look at what was it.

Dark brownish-colored blood formed a pool of ruby solution around his body. Beneath the blanket was stained crimson red as if been spilled with flaming juice. His cloths too, were stained by this sticky liquid.

“No!-“

This is the only thing which came to my mind.
Was this what the doctor meant by he had failed?
Was this what he meant by he were already on the other part of the world?
Was this what he meant by he could no longer protect me?

Despite how much I tried to deny this by treating it as a bad joke-
No! It just a nightmare and everything would be fine if I opened my eye

I already know that I can’t deny it.
This is real.
The blood is real, unmistakably.
The same acrid smell which nearly suffocates me had fully awakened my mind.

The sight of it had made my hand covered my mouth reflectively, followed by a light stream of tears flowing down my cheek like a tiny water stream which soon turning into a waterfall.

I always been taught that no matter what situation I faced, there will always be 2 way of handling it.

One, you change the environment to fit you in.
Two, you change yourself to fit into the environment.

I had chosen none of both as it is already impossible for him to come back as if nothing had happen. This is not a game where it can be restart. There is no restart in reality.

Also, it is impossible for me to treat it like nothing had happened, especially when the person lying in the pool of blood was HIM!

I had left with no choice but to choose the third choice which was to create the environment which allows me to hide away from reality.

This is none other than escaping from reality, treating that nothing had happened and continue living-

My legs as if knowing what I am thinking, had already prepared itself for the next moment. My face was covered in a salty smell of my tears as well as the copper smell of his blood, so much that I could take it anymore but to make myself disappear from here.

Turning my back against him, I was about to dash toward from the door with all my might.

Just when I was about to take flight, I felt something pulling me from behind, preventing me from taking off as if I was been chained down.

“Wait-“

“Audrey…”