星空　－　二人の願い

Author Note

2010-08-17T20:22:00.000-07:00

Dearest Reader (:

I apologized for not being able to update the story on time especially when I did not write anything for the past 6 months. Really sorry about it.

For the past 6 months, i have been researching on couples of stuffs for this story, notably the characters design, the plot and the environment. No doubt, while researching, I came upon many different sort of experiences and feelings which kinds of hard to explain them down in words.

Most weekends, I have been going around my neighborhood, seeking for inspiration and ideas. I've taken a hobby of photography where i made it a point for me to take a photo a day.

Check out my gallery here :

Dusk - http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=154952&id=536058067&ref=mf
Sky - http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=109614&id=536058067&ref=mf

Both galleries contains photos of clouds. For me, it kind of crucial especially when the current chapter was talking about a girl call Dawn. Also, i been listening to couple of instrumental pieces which are really sad yet motivational.

Also, i believe that i couldn't improve without hearing comments from the others, thus I'll be working together with some of my friends who are into story-writing as well.

Lastly, a peek of what i want to write for the current chapter , Repeat.
It will be based partially on my past experiences, added with some music background and lots of skies.

So stay tune!

Repeat 1 - Encounter

2010-02-28T07:45:00.000-08:00

Beads of clear fluid trickled down from my forehead, soaking my semi synthetic attire. Like a gushing stream, which shows no sign of stopping, my tee-shirt had already soaked in my sweat.

Like the same gushing stream, I too, had showed no sign of stopping. I had lost count of the number of buildings and road which I had tossed far behind from me. It was as if I had run through a concrete jungle.

Nothing so far had stopped me from running except the air resistance which not only carried away my fatigue, but also carried away the pungent smell given off by my soaking wet attire.

It already had been a week since that incident. That very incident which might has gotten me a bad record, but she had appealed against it even though she was the victim.

I was pathetic, why do people want to be good to me, please stop being good to me. Seriously, I do not deserve that, not from anyone, especially her.

Why did she still treat me like that…?
Like nothing had happened…

My head bombarded with tons of questions which had no answer, like an open ended question as if questioning why the parents showered their child with loves.

I couldn’t let myself to think so much anymore.
What’s important right now is for me to keep myself fit and healthy as what my coach had said last time.

“The only way to win any opponent is to outlive him…”

Only this part of his quote had left quite an impact in me. I had forgotten what else he had mentioned.

With that in mind, my legs started picking up speed and I had dashed for a number of distances. However distance is not what I really want to cover, but the images of her, Audrey.

The setting sun had dyed the surrounding in its golden radiance, with the surrounding trees casting long dark shadows across the park horizontally, forming an arched silhouette.

The very park which brought me tons of memories with the first girl I liked.

She, who offered her hand toward me when I need help,
She, who helped indiscriminately,
She, who always appeared so happy,
Yet, keeping everything to herself

It had only been 10 years since then.

Right now the playground was surrounded by long sheet of zinc, as if like a wall of the castle, preventing anyone from entering. The brown rusty chain of the swing and its torn rubber seat had shown that it had experienced all sorts of weathers and vandalism as long as it can be remembered.

The very swing which reminds me of my past, where I got myself cut and bruised, yet she is the one who attended to my injuries.

The merry-go-round which had disappeared from the modern playground can be found right here. The metal rings with the raised platform, had rusted badly and slanted sideway, making it unusable anymore.

The wooden see-saw which arched dangerously high was now partially rotten after drenching in countless number of thunderstorms, however still erecting high up despite its condition.

Reminding me of her screams whenever I played see-saw with her and refusing to lower her, lifting her high up in the air.

The mini house underneath the slides had been vandalized by unsightly graffiti. Although it was small but it housed a lot of feelings and words as the all part of the wall was written with black markers pen or burnt marks from the candles.

The very house which I had spent together with her during stormy days when it rained or when she refused to go home was still remained as it was.

The whole playground was indeed a hideout for me, it also served as the location for our rendezvous and here is also where the first time I saw her.

I was not the only one who reminisced over the past of this playground.

There was another girl around my age, was looking at the playground, as if that place hold some memories for her as well.

I couldn’t bother much, except to continue running.

Her bundled up hair was glowing in slight brown under the setting sun, and her eyes was fixating at mine while I ran past her.

Her eyes, her expression was as if somehow resembled her.

“Dawn?”

This is the name which flashed from my mind, the name of the very first girl which I had liked.

My eyes too was looking into hers while I ran, she too was looking at me as if both of us looked somewhat familiar.

It only lasted 7 seconds and it soon ended as though we had just walked away from each other lives.

No matter how much she or Audrey resembled her, there is no way that they can be her.

She, who I loved,

She, who I wanted to tell her how much I liked
but till the end, I never be able to say it out.
The three words “I love you” which I couldn’t say.

However, it’s meaningless right now…

Even though, it is the same sun for both dawn and dusk but skies casted by them was differently.

Even though, I was given the same 24 hours a day, but the time spent with her was also different. In fact, how I wished that I could exchange half of time just to be with her.

But it’s meaningless to think of it anymore.

Like the playground which was about to be removed, she no longer existed. I couldn’t help but to clutch my fist tightly as if I was about to break them.

“What is the point of being so strong yet couldn’t even save her smile?”

My past was slowly taken away from someone bit by bits and yet I couldn’t do anything to prevent that.

The only thing I could do was to search for you, at our playground, at our street.

Even though I know you won’t come here anymore…

Strategy 24 - lächeln

2010-02-18T01:32:00.000-08:00

“What? Still not done yet?”

I asked her with my mouth arching upward, forming a slightly frowned face. This does not happened once, but couple of times when she sneaked out just to informed me that there are some checkups which she had not done with yet.

Without giving me an answer, she smiled sweetly, with the corner of her lips hooked themselves to my heart, before returning back to the room.

Her red smile is all what it takes to calm the anxiousness in my heart.

Couple of things had happened for the past few days, with both of us finally discharged from the hospital. However, Audrey was still as impulsive as ever, especially after she found out that the bloody incident involving me was not what she thought was.

Also, I was even surprised when the doctor had requested a body checkup on her instead of me, someone who got stabbed in my stomach.

It is not that I wanted to drag this any longer but I was really worried about her when the doctor mentioned about the checkup.

What could have happened to her?

I’m pretty sure there is no other way to reassure me apart from the test result. Therefore, I promised to accompany her for the checkup.

Thus, I was here in the very same hospital for the third time in my life despite having an exam which supposed to start right now.

Still… A promise is a promise.

Sitting on the cold hard plastic seat along the hallway, waiting for her to finish dozens of body checkups she need to take, hoping that the next time she left the room was the time for us to leave the this place.

The people who had walk passed me, seems like the seconds hand of the clock, ticking away as though telling me that the time I spent waiting here was significant.

My eyelids were as heavy as metal, keep shutting for countless amount of time.

“I’m done!!”

Her energetic voice pierced through the silent hallway, so loudly that many pairs of eyes were staring at her, wondering what had happened.

The voice of the very same girl was right now standing right in front of me. Her pink lips spread like the sun on the horizon with bright emotion coming right of her face.

She placed her small fragile-looking hands onto my shoulder, trying to lift me up, but to no avail.

“Come… come…”

Her alluring voice which seems inviting me to follow whatever she say, had successfully made gave up my seat as I stood up.

The same girl was now looking upward onto my face while intertwining her hands with mine.

With her smile which radiates from her mouth, she said.

“Where shall we go next?”

I stood blankly for a moment before replying.

“I need to do a checkup as well…”

With a questioning expression on her face, she replied.

“For?”

It was a short and quick reply of her, as she was wondering on why did I said that for.

“To get a MC of course…”

I replied without thinking through my head as it is common sense for to get it the MC right now.

“For?”

Again, she asked that again.
This time with her head cocked to the right with a big question mark on top of her head.

“For my exam…-”

With her enlarged pupils, she stared straight into my eyes with a jaw dropping expression.

The next moment, a loud piercing sound echoed through the hallway, leaving my back burning as if an inferno had strike on. The force was so powerful despite coming from a girl who has a small built.

I wished I could scream, but I didn’t. Instead, I turned back and looked at her.

She frowned, but bits of smiles still leaked out like tiny cake crump sticking onto her mouth.

Her simple smirk, lights up my heart like a shooting star on a midnight sky.
For an instant, all the warmth and happiness had been poured. Not into the sky, but into my heart.

Nonetheless, the most beautiful thing about her was her smile…

Strategy 23 - Leben

2010-02-13T22:01:00.000-08:00

Life is unpredictable, it’s always good to prepare for the unprepared and expect the unexpected. Talking seems so easy but how could people even prepared for something which is unexpected?

Nonetheless, at this moment of time, unexpected thing really happened.

Neither did I expect Audrey to come nor did she expect to see me in this bloody mess.

The first gift I gave to her after a day of separation or so was the tears and emotionless expression on her face.

“Kobe… you really failed…” I said that to myself even after I promised to make her laugh and live happily like a princess in her palace.

But in reality, I made her cried so much.

Her tearful face and her blacken eye filled with emptiness were the last thing I saw before she escape from reality.

Maybe ignorance is bliss but I could not pretend that nothing had happened anymore. The only thing I did was to grab onto her hand, preventing her from running away.

No- I don’t want her to run away from me. I held her hands tightly, as if chaining her down here.

Turning her head, she looked at me with a shocked expression as she was trying to have a grip on what is going on. Our eyes met, but this isn’t enough as I pretty sure she is going to run away sooner or later. I need to do something…

“Audrey… I’m-“

Her soft hand covered my mouth before I could end my sentence.
She was right in front of my face, with her hand covering my mouth as if telling me that it is okay for me not to speak.

“Don’t leave me behind…” She cried while holding onto me so tightly as if she was holding onto someone is about to disappear into the thin air. It was her turn to chain me down.

Her face was so close to me until I could feel her tears running down from my cheek like a tiny river stream flowing downwards.

She is still crying.
I need to assure her that I am okay in order to stop her from crying.

“Audrey… I’m okay…-“

“No you’re not!”

She denied as if I was a little kid trying to lie to my mother.

“Okay…I’m not…”

The words slipped off from my mouth without second thought.
If only I knew what is going on in her mind, I would wish that I never said that.

“I knew that you’re not…”

She cried even harder and I could hardly move anymore especially she gripped so tightly onto me.

I was speechless as I could not know what to do at right now. Never did someone teach me how to react to this situation. She was stubborn and I know that I was weak to this attack of her. But still, I need to do something.

I held onto her hand which was covering my mouth.

Her hand filled with uneven patch of bloodstain and the fresh scar pricked by the needles. Ruby blood was flowing out slowly from her hand, staining both her already-stained clothes and my hand redder.

Right now, it was not her blood which I am holding, but it was her very own life.

The scars of her hand was caused by herself as she rushed here impulsively, the desire to see me was so great that she couldn’t care about herself. I was angry at her impulsive act, but at the same time, I was touched by it.

This moment, the girl whom I love was gripping tightly onto me, as if telling me that she wants to be with me forever. Anyone who saw it will be envy of it, I was really lucky to have her.

“I will not leave you ever again…”

I assured her by holding tightly onto her as this is the something which she really deserved and the only thing I could do right now.

Her hair brushed onto my face as she was nodding her head.

Both of us were holding each other tightly, so tightly that her clothes were stained with my heavy blood-stained clothes, so tightly that my hands were covered with her blood as well.

It was messy but it didn’t stop us from embracing each others.

The two held onto each others like how the Earth is bind closely with the sky. Both of them had promised each others that they will never leave one another again.

The color red means life.
For the both of them, this is the beginning of their new life, where two of them have promised themselves to walk into the unpredictable future together.

Strategy 22 - Fesseln

2010-02-11T22:45:00.000-08:00

The room is pale yet full of texture. With nothing obstructing the semi-gloss glass panel, bright white light covers the four walls and the turquoise tiles, engulfing the room in this holy ray.

There is no stereo, television, only murmur of conversation which reached from outside occasionally.

Standing at in front of the single-size bed directly below me against the wall, I could smell the toasty warmth of newly-dried sheet.

There he was, Kobe, lying on his side, gripping onto the blanket tightly like a brown koala bear gripping onto the bark of the trees.

His face was slightly tanned, with slight injuries marks engraved on it, having a different tale behind each of them. All along, I knew that he was trying his very best to quit his past but all sort of dangers was lying in front of the process of quitting this past.

All the while, he had done so many things.

So much, to keep me alive until now…
So much, that he wants me to live happily like a princess in the fairytale by giving me all the happiest moments as much as he can.
So much, that he valued my life over his, protecting me without fail in regardless of the strength of the opponents…

At this very moment of time, he who had always been alerted is now resting peacefully onto the bed. His face which his eyes were shut tightly as he wandered off into his own dreamland, had assured my mind that he was at least ok.

For which he had finally take a rest before me where he always use to watch me sleep before he could and always look over me whenever I woke up.

With his body so tilted toward the side of the bed, I couldn’t help but to adjust his body to the side just in case when he falls off the bed as he tossed.

With both of my hands, I removed the blanket which he gripped tightly on, slowly away from him. The blanket easily followed my hand as I moved as though that there is no strength in his grip.

I placed my hands around his waist, thinking how much force I need to exert to move this sleeping log. Instead of feeling the slight warm of his body, I felt something cold and thick as my hand brushed through his waist, so weird that I removed my hand and look at what was it.

Dark brownish-colored blood formed a pool of ruby solution around his body. Beneath the blanket was stained crimson red as if been spilled with flaming juice. His cloths too, were stained by this sticky liquid.

“No!-“

This is the only thing which came to my mind.
Was this what the doctor meant by he had failed?
Was this what he meant by he were already on the other part of the world?
Was this what he meant by he could no longer protect me?

Despite how much I tried to deny this by treating it as a bad joke-
No! It just a nightmare and everything would be fine if I opened my eye

I already know that I can’t deny it.
This is real.
The blood is real, unmistakably.
The same acrid smell which nearly suffocates me had fully awakened my mind.

The sight of it had made my hand covered my mouth reflectively, followed by a light stream of tears flowing down my cheek like a tiny water stream which soon turning into a waterfall.

I always been taught that no matter what situation I faced, there will always be 2 way of handling it.

One, you change the environment to fit you in.
Two, you change yourself to fit into the environment.

I had chosen none of both as it is already impossible for him to come back as if nothing had happen. This is not a game where it can be restart. There is no restart in reality.

Also, it is impossible for me to treat it like nothing had happened, especially when the person lying in the pool of blood was HIM!

I had left with no choice but to choose the third choice which was to create the environment which allows me to hide away from reality.

This is none other than escaping from reality, treating that nothing had happened and continue living-

My legs as if knowing what I am thinking, had already prepared itself for the next moment. My face was covered in a salty smell of my tears as well as the copper smell of his blood, so much that I could take it anymore but to make myself disappear from here.

Turning my back against him, I was about to dash toward from the door with all my might.

Just when I was about to take flight, I felt something pulling me from behind, preventing me from taking off as if I was been chained down.

“Wait-“

“Audrey…”

Strategy 21 - Misserfolg

2010-02-08T10:11:00.001-08:00

“Stop that trick thing!”

This was the first thing that resonated in ear after the nurse screamed as if she expected something terrible might happened later.

“It’s okay… I wouldn’t fail…” the doctor replied confidently like politician promising the public with dozen of advantages he will give after he got elected.

Searching through the secret compartments of his white coat, he picked out a long metallic object and held it right in front of me.

It was a brown antique fountain pen with a nice feather motif carved onto it. The tip of pen was dangerous pointed that the sight of it made me my express frown a little.

“Do you want to see?” he asked while pointing the pointed tip on top of the heavy sealed packet of blood, like a magician who is about to start his magic trick.

I simply nodded and the next thing he did was to insert the tip straight into the packet. Like a sharp arrow, the tip penetrated through the layers of barrier effortlessly.

Followed by the tip, the rest of the pen followed up and penetrated through until the exiting hole was created.

“This is the best part of the trick” He added while pushing the fountain pen right further in.

The pointed tip of the pen which was exiting from the packet was not stained with any blood at all! What’s more was that there is no blood exiting from any of the hole.

I was awe-struck by his trick which defy the law of physics

The doctor, who is proud of his trick, grinned at me with his largest grin on his face. He slowly removed his fountain pen from the packet by pushing it furthermore from behind.

All of a sudden, the dark crimson liquid started to flow from the hole which was created earlier. Flowing down onto my cloths, staining them red with blood and the fountain pen was also covered with the thick red liquid.

Like the packet of blood, the expressions of our faces were slowly drained away as we realized that something went wrong over here.

All of us were dumb-struck, with no one stopping blood flowing down.

“Oh crap!-“He exclaimed after he realized what had happened.

He removed the packet of blood away from me and dumped in back into the bag and he signaled the nurse to follow him.

However, the nurse couldn’t do anything but to start laughing like a crazy girl at this silly act of his.

“You failed!” She laughed loudly. Her reaction was so funny that I couldn’t hold it anymore and let out a hearty laugh at his failure

He couldn’t take it and he proceed to the door, trying to walk away from everything. The nurse however, followed him behind his back.

The door closed with a loud screeching sound of the hinges. Both of them had left the room together with the sound, making this empty room sound like a vacuum.

“What?!” I exclaimed as I was dumb struck for the second time as I was covered in these mess and they walked out just like that?

The whole room was dead silent for a couple of minutes until the door hinge screeches again as someone was about to enter the room.

“Who could it be?” I wondered

However all I could think of now was to hide myself under the blanket, hoping to cover up the mess on my blood-stained cloth just in case I gave a shock to someone when they saw me in this state.

With that I pulled the blanket tightly to myself, covering myself from top to bottom like a vampire trying to shield himself from the glaring sunlight.

I shut my eyes tightly and pretend to sleep in case of some other nurses came to do a spot check on me.

The footstep was getting louder and louder as someone was approaching toward me.

“Kobe…?”

Strategy 20 - Magie

2010-02-08T10:00:00.000-08:00

My body was wrapped with a light blue thin-layered cloth like a morning glory. Unlike morning glory, this “flower” gives off a pungent smell of detergent which smells like some cheap toilet chemical.

With my back leaning against the white pillow where the adjective “fluffy” is missing from it, I could feel that my body was protesting.

My body is filled with stressed which accumulated over time had finally reached its limit and is now crying for a good rest. For once, my body had refused to listen to my command and had sought refuge in the fluffy-less bed.

A red wristband was attached to my right hand, making me feel uncomfortable whenever I moved. Tied to the wristband was a small piece of paper written “Kobe” on it. It was my name.

A small syringe was stuck into the purplish vein of my left hand. Dark red crimson blood was filling it slowly while the syringe was slowly being pulled.

Yes. There I am, lying on this hard bed with two healthcare staffs beside, collecting my blood sample

“Ouch ouch” I cried not because that I have trypanophobia but because it is really painful to had your blood forcedly extracted by the merciless syringe.

“Alright I’m done” The doctor in white said that as he removed the blood-filled syringe away from my vein.

The agony from the needle was over.

But this is when the next agony begins as he starts to question me about my escape in the previous stay which is the last time after I got into the fight with Darwin’s lackeys.

“Nothing good happened when you came here…” He said it impatiently and without any sense of his pristine professionalism.

“I’m supposed to be having lunch with a group of trainee nurses but now-” He complained while recording down my condition painstakingly on the paper.

“Stop-“I interrupted him before he continues his long “speech” like the previous time he did.

“I already given you this much of blood” I added subconsciously without knowing that it would be better if I didn’t said this as this sentence sparks off a new topic for his complaints.

“This much of blood?”
“You think this is a lot?”

He held up the syringe containing my blood against the light, making the blood giving off a warm translucent red light.

The next moment, he was asking the nurse beside him to help him search for something. Upon hearing that, the nurse sighed and starts to search inside the bag.

“Wait till you see this...” He said it while waiting for the nurse to retrieve something from the bag

A dark plastic packet was then passed from the nurse to his hand where he held that dark packet right in front of me.

“This is what I called much…” He said it intimidating as if he was taunting me.

That dark liquid was wrapped inside a thick layered of high quality plastic and rubber. The dark red substance glow mysteriously but magnificently under the room light. It was blood, in fact a packet full of blood which commonly seen inside movie where vampire break open the blood vault to steal these sinister packets.

“You want to see a trick?”

He asked me this simple yet mysterious question.

Strategy 19 - Mediziner

2010-02-04T07:26:00.000-08:00

Greeted by a long list of people who was listed on the wall. These were the names of the decreased whose bodies were stored inside the morgue.

I told myself not to look at it, but i couldn’t.

The more I don’t want to look at it, the more I looked at, praying that Kobe name was not inside.

I’ve read through hundred of names which stretching endlessly. But as long as Kobe’s name was not inside, I was relieved even when hundreds of people had already left this world.

Suddenly, I knocked onto something which made me tripped and fell down on the ground with my bottom landing it straight on.

“Thump”

This is the sound which echoed through the silent stretch, Followed by that was the sound of the paper flustering in the mid air and landing on the floor gracefully.

“Sorry-“ I apologized without lifting my head as I was too embarrassed.

The nurse was gathering the documentation paper which is on the floor and I tried to offer my help and she merely nodded her head.

The doctor beside him was giving her look.

“Seems like nothing happened well today huh?” He said it to the nurse while squatting down to help her picking up the papers. His voice sound familiar but I couldn’t tell since most people have hoarse voice like his.

“Especially your previous patient…-“the nurse replied.

“I did my best but it still… -“ He replied with slight regret.

“Don’t bothered about it, I knew you already did your best-“ She replied

“But I still failed…-“ he sighed, this time he said it filled with regrets.

One thing I know for sure is that, even though I do not want anyone to find me. I still find it hard to believe that they were treating me as if I was transparent.

What sort of doctor is that who openly discuss confidential information in front of an outsider?

As I was picking up the documentation, I was something which changed my expression.

I stare onto the documentation paper where “Kobe” name was printed on it.

Before I could take a second look on it, the paper was taken away from me and both of them stood up and prepare to leave while I was still squatting down there.

“Kobe?”

His name slipped off from my mouth as I was wondering whether why his name could appear on the paper.

I looked back at both of them who were having a surprised look especially after I mention his name. On a closer look of the doctor in white, I realized that he was the very doctor who attends to Kobe a few days ago, after that time when he got beaten up badly in the park.

He was also the same doctor who asked plenty of silly questions while I register Kobe into the hospital records.

The doctor looked at me and immediately he realized who I was. He turned away, trying to avoid me.

“Where was Kobe?” I asked him anxiously.

Even though he avoided me, but he raised his finger pointing to one particular end of the dark corridors.

I couldn’t control myself but to rush toward the direction where he had pointed.

“Wait- Stop!”

He was shouting to me, telling me to stop but I turn it with a deaf ear as Kobe was the only person in my mind right now. No other things could be even more important than him, not even my life.

What exactly does he meant by he failed?
What could have happened?

With tons of questions in my mind, I rushed to the room where a white wooden board was hanging onto the door.

“Kobe”

My hand was holding onto the door knob where everything behind this door will be holding all the answers to my questions.

Strategy 18 - Leichenhaus

2010-02-04T07:25:00.000-08:00

The long white passageway which stretched endlessly was the first thing which greets me after I left my room.

The wall was painted white but the corridor was poorly illuminated with yellowish fluorescent light, making the stretch looks dullish. To make the matter worse, there is not even a single window exists along the next hundred meters.

Without any sunlight, warmth itself had disappeared away. The whole stretch was unusually cold especially when hospitals nowadays were encouraged to adjust their temperature of the air con to a comfortable range.

My clothes which provided easy mobility but yet failed to provide any protection from this merciless coldness which made me starts to shiver.

“What with this temperature and the endless stretch of passage” I asked myself while trying to rub my palm against each other to warm them up.

For the past few moments, I was walking along the whole stretch alone, since I couldn’t tell whether those people were alive when they walked past me with an emotionless looks on them.

Especially those in white were rushing along the corridor as if he is late for surgery. But yet he does not show any sign of anxious on his face.

Yet everyone failed to notice that a girl in white who was bleeding was walking along the stretch. No one even bother to stop and asked or wondered why is she doing down here.

I couldn’t care more since it would be better this way where no one hindered me from finding Kobe. He was all I care for right now!

After closing up a couple of distance between each section of the corridor, I had finally found the answer of my question on why this mysterious passage after my eyes caught onto what written on the directory board.

“Mortuary”

This large black bold word was written on the wall. It was the same word which used to describe a place which used to keep dead bodies.

My heart froze for a moment, thinking of why and how I could end up over here. My head is overwhelmed with questions and yet there is no one to answer for me.

“Why am I placed beside a mortuary all along?” I questioned myself especially since it is way too scary for allocate me just beside it.

Before I could even questioned myself again, the large automated door slide opened with a loud noise of gas been released.

It looks like some Sci-Fi movie but the expression of the people coming out from the mortuary was real. Family members were crying but the doctor beside them offered no word of condolences for the family members of the decreased.

The nurse, beside the doctor, simply asked the family member to sign on the some documentation. Immediately after it been sign, both parties walk off separately as if nothing had happened.

“Is Kobe really here?” I questioned myself once again, this time folding my arms tightly as if trying to squeeze myself. I couldn’t know what had happened?

What does Ken mean by he was late?
What does them telling me that Kobe was here?
Why am I here?

Endless of question surfaced onto my minds as I walked past this dreadful stretch which seems getting dimmer and dimmer each time.

Strategy 17 - träumen

2010-01-09T08:28:00.000-08:00

The red fluffy hat of his seems to have concealed the bundled up white hair of his, showing only part of the messy fringe had peeked out.

With his deep voice which he had tried his best to fake it he said.

“I am Santa Claus-”

“No- You’re Kobe…” I insisted

The next moment after he said that, I interrupted him before he could finish his sentence.

There is no way I could believe that. Every parts of him looks identical, he was Kobe!

He gave me a laugh, while lifting his chest upward and downward. However it was a hilarious sight especially he was wearing onto the thick red fluffy Santa suit.

The next thing before I could realize was his warm hand patting on my head. It was comfortable and warm like sitting next to the warm fireplace with a heavy snowfall outside.

“You are clumsy… “He laughed. Of course the way he said it in his faked deep voice does made me laughed back naturally.

“I wished to save you like earlier, but I couldn’t know whether will there be any next time…” He added seriously but yet still in his faked deep voice which made everything sentence he said sounded so funny.

However he seems like he really means his words

After a few second of thinking of means that could loosen this tensed up situation, I still couldn’t manage to find something suitable to reply.

I was ecstatic to see him once again. For which he who had himself bruised with injuries and collapsed in front of me, had returned back to me all of a sudden.

Once again, he laughed as he with his chest rising upward and downward.

“Ho! Ho! Ho! Young lady, what a fine set of dress you had there. It looks so lovely on you”

He complimented on my white dress. Wait! It’s more like he tried to divert away from the question on whether was he Kobe or not. But it’s no longer important right now.

Looking at this familiar guy who acting so weird that I couldn’t control myself but to try playing along together with him.

“Thank, but God isn’t fair to let me show it to the person I truly liked…” I replied

It could be better if I didn’t asked this weird question as it only reward me with quiet moment of him standing down there, trying to think of ways to continue.

He looked at me with his brown eyes, wait did he even went to the extent of getting a color contact lens?

“I’m sure he is fair-“

“At least to me” He added after pausing for a short moment.

With the warmth from his gloves on my forehead, I was reassured with a sense of security and warmth.

I couldn’t care about which strange world am I in
I couldn’t care how hard he tries to deny it
I couldn’t care how cold I felt as long as his warm hands are with me
I couldn’t care anymore, as long as I got the answer that he is safe at least.

“Audrey-“

He called out for my name gently like he always did.

“There will be time when I could no longer protect you. Therefore-“ He added

“No-“

I covered his mouth, preventing him from continue any further.

I wouldn’t wish to listen to something which is worst expected from him.
I wouldn’t wish to listen to something which I do not want to listen.

At the same time, tears which were welling from my eyes trickled down from my face. I was not able to stop it.

“Therefore, please continue to live on with your dreams…-“

This was the last thing he said before he disappeared away in the air along with the warmth feeling on my head.

The world around was once again, returning to a blinding white world, as if I was facing on a blank white screen.

There is no way which I could accept this, no freaking way!

If this is the world which lies ahead of me, then I shall open my eyes once more.

I shut my eyes tightly despite the tears which had overflow from my eyes. I was reluctant to believe this crap.

“No one is able to take you away, no one! NOT EVEN GOD!”

“This is merely a nightmare and everything would be fine after I opened my eyes”

With that, I opened my eyes.

Once again, the surrounding was all white and lonely. It was colorless and quiet as if there is no one out there. Looking down, my white dress was no longer there. Instead I was wearing onto a plain colorless one-pieced cloth.

It was light, at least lighter than my heavy mind.

Looking down at my leg which covered by the one-piece cloth, I could found myself on a bed, a plain white bed without any smell.

Looking from my thigh to my toes slowly, I realized that I was not the only one in this world of nothingness. There is another guy sitting right in front of me, looking at me deep into my eye as if that he had been looking at me long before I even woke up.

“Sorry” is the first word which I heard after waking up from that nightmare. But it is also the magical word which is about to spark the beginning of another nightmare, the nightmare for which I had feared all along.

“Sorry- I was too late”

It was Ken who had said that twice, in fact thrice as he was about to say it again. I looked around me and realized that I was in the hospital.

Without caring any further more, I dashed out of the room, trying to run away from this nightmare which was about to begin. Needles that stuck onto my skin were forcedly pulled out as I moved, staining the plain white cloth with crimson red spot that are growing bigger every moments.

There is no pain from it as I was already numbed with something much more painful. I couldn’t know where to run to or how to run to.

I just ran, because all I wished was to look at Kobe for one last time.

Strategy 16 - Himmel

2010-01-05T09:38:00.000-08:00

The bright surrounding engulfed me as I opened my eyes. Like a burning flare, the light flashed so brightly that it hurts my eye.

The sky is filled with thousands of small fragment of light, felling down onto the earth and disappeared as it touches the land.

Giving me a cool pleasant sensation as it fell onto my hands

Everything seems that I am in the heaven. A cold heaven

Like how hell is always seems to be dyed in crimson red with countless of sinned ones burning eternally as they groan in anguish. Heaven must be opposite from hell.

Like how heaven is always a lonely place as there are only a few supreme beings staying around in the giant magnificent palace glittered under the bright holy light. However the same light contains coldness and loneliness as well.

I rubbed my eyes gently while trying to catch a better picture of where I am at.

Those fragments of light which fell from the sky were snow.

Roofs of the surrounding houses were covered with thick white snow. The once dark roads were now painted white. It was lovely!

I rubbed my eyes again as I was trying to figure out what had happened.

No doubt it was snowing but how?

The last time it snowed was couple of decades back when my parents bragged about how the lake could froze and how they play snowball fight on it. However, it didn’t snow since then.

Probably global warming was to be blamed for causing this sudden snowfall right now as well as the disappearance of snowfall in the past few years.

What’s more surprisingly was I was wearing my lovely white dress. The dress where I treasured dearly as it was my first present bought for me by my dad as my birthday present. The white dress which I never wished to stain it, in fact I never wore that before.

There I am, right in the middle of the road with other passersby who wrapped themselves a woolen scarf tightly along their neck. The traffic light was red and everyone was waiting for it to turn green.

Wait. Where am I?

Isn’t this the same street I walked during Christmas while wearing the same pretty white dress, 2 year ago?

The green light was flickering away as time passes, people around me were moving like shadows disappearing in and appear out. Yet I was there standing still.

There are so many questions to ask right now.

Suddenly, someone bumped onto me, causing me to trip. The impact had caused me to lose balance and my face was now facing the ground.

I shut my eyes tightly.

The next moment, a loud bam echoed through the road as something heavy landed onto the hard road despite the thick layer of snow.

It’s wasn’t me but the big red bag of someone else. Right in front of me, I was facing the ground but yet something was pulling me from behind.

It was a warm hand pulling onto my other hand, extending its help toward me as it pulled me back safety.

It was belonged to a man in thick red fluffy suit. In fact, he was wearing as a Santa Claus with long white moustache covering the lower halve of his face.

“Thank…” I thanked him while trying to get back my footing.

“No problem, all good children will be rewarded on Christmas” He replied back with a deep yet familiar voice.

It sounded so familiar and yet I couldn’t recall who it was.

I looked at his moustache-filled face, trying to recognize this guy. To my surprise, this Santa Claus was actually Kobe!

“Kobe?”

His name slipped out from my mouth reflexively.

Wait!

It is impossible as there is no way that Kobe appeared in my life at this point of time

Strategy 15 - Wünschen

2009-12-29T20:48:00.000-08:00

Like a sharp needle threading through the thin linen cloth, the sharp pointed blade pierced through the stomach easily.

It was a pretty clean strike without any obvious sign of blood flowing out even though it was a fatal attack. The blade left protruding out of the stomach, as if it had already become part of it.

Hesitation is not required in a battle. In fact it is a hindrance.

Everyone is ready to do what it’s right. Like how the soldiers in wars shot without hesitation. This is because they knew that the other side is ready but just that everyone is just waiting for someone who made the first move.

One who did not hesitate is someone who takes a great deal of dare to bring his comrade down to the dawn of victory.

The consequence of hesitating is deadly.

Exactly 5 seconds 20 milliseconds and 5 nanoseconds.
The duration of time taken to determine who will be the one with the blade embedded into him.

The struggle between Darwin and me after I charged into him happened within a short moment. After he realized that I was charging toward him with a deadly blade pointing right at him, he froze. His face was pale, as if he had suffocated in the tension of the situation.

If only he was more alert and less lecherous, he might not land up in this situation. He realized that he was in a totally different situation than before, his henchmen were nowhere to be seen. There are only three of us, Audrey, Darwin and I.

Audrey got released from his filthy clutch and she landed with a thud onto the ground. She was lying down there motionlessly and there is no single emotion in her eyes.

Her eyes are filled with darkness.

As he moved his hands out, Darwin was trying to ask me to calm down and told me that it shouldn’t end up like that. He approached me closer but it also means that he is walking into the perfect range where my strike would be the most accurate and precise.

He stopped and told me that we could talk it out. But I wouldn’t believe him anymore, he was the bastard who was about to rape Audrey. In fact he was responsible for all these pains which Audrey experienced over the years.

But he was trying to give me the best choice. The choice where no one is going to be injured and Audrey would be saved but yet he will be escaping away. But the part of him escaping away is what I didn’t wish for.

This bastard should be vanished from the world!

Knowing him, he definitely will not let us go off easily. He will definitely come back for revenge. This time will be a total different case where there is no way to escape and Audrey would end up as before.

Exactly 5 seconds 20 milliseconds and 5 nanoseconds had passed ever since he was standing in front of me.

If only I was more merciless and more coldhearted.
If only I had charged toward him.
If only I was more heartless.

Right now it’s too late, he had charged toward me and I was overwhelmed by him. The blade which he feared the most had landed up on his hand.

With a desperate grin of his face, he had stabbed me without any hesitation.

My body was in a bad condition, filled with injuries hours ago. The blade which embedded itself deep inside my stomach is like a leech, draining my energy away whenever I moved. My head were getting heavier as the blood supply got disrupted.

Despite my condition, Darwin kicked my face. I wouldn’t hear anything now except the thud sound when his legs landed against my skull.

I gathered all my energy, looking at Audrey. She was still emotionless, but yet I could see her mouth opening and her hands were reaching toward for me. Her eyes were gleaming and tears flow through her cheeks.

The next moment, she collapsed from shock.

My head no longer feels heavy. Instead it was getting lighter and lighter as if my soul was going to leave the body. My eyelids are getting heavier and my sight is getting darker.

Darwin had stopped kicking me. Instead he had moved toward Audrey who had collapsed. She was now totally defenseless.

This is the worst situation which I never ever wished to be. My plans had failed badly. Whatever I planned earlier had failed, there is not going to have a prince who is trying to save his princess from the clutch of the wicked witch. For which the prince had already been overwhelmed by her minions, way before he could even come close to his princess.

I looked onto the sky. I could no longer tell which are the stars or the moon. Everything seems so alike. I could not care much any more. I kept looking up into the sky. I couldn’t know how much longer I can endure but I still gathered all my strength and wished

“If gods truly exist in the sky… please save her…”

Strategy 14 - Zusage

2009-12-28T05:56:00.000-08:00

There I am, lying motionlessly onto the soft mud. My mind was overwhelmed with the acrid smell as my face was lying right on top of the heaps of the freshly cut grass.

My mouth tasted metallic whenever I took in a breath. Without looking, I could already tell that my face was badly beaten up.

Yet these pains I felt are nothing compared to what Audrey had experienced before. Deep inside her was the piling amount of pains she got from being betrayed by her loved one.

Her wound which I always try to heal for all these years are about to tear open once again.

That jerk, Darwin was touching her face all over with his filthy hands as he forced himself onto this frail maiden. No doubt, her wounds will be tore opened as she was about to experience something which scarred her before.

Her lifeless eyes which had lost it gleams were staring blanking in the dark. It was the same expression she had when I left the room after the incident a few years before.

The very expression which made me decided that I will definitely have to return her back to the cheerful self mentioned by Darwin before. It was an extremely difficult task for me as I decided to be responsible for my action toward her.

For the past few months, I couldn’t know how many times my face got slapped real hard without any hesitation from her. Yet, she cried every time she slapped me

Worst still, both of us were studying in the same school. Those times when we met, I could no longer see the spark in her eyes anymore. She was depressed as if she lost her reasons to live.

There were times when she even tried to commit suicide. But I was lucky to be around her and stopped her. But she always ended up clinging onto me and cried.

“Go away! Why wouldn’t you let me die?”

These words are like arrows, piercing through my heart. I had eventually lost count of how many times she said that when I stopped her.

If I can reverse the time, I rather hope that I never ever asked Darwin about his new girlfriend, Audrey.

Yes. Everything will not turn out like this if I choose not to be jealous of Darwin’s new girlfriend.

“Hey, why not you give me that Audrey whom you boasted so much?”

How I wished that I could never asked him this. It was meant to be joke, a joke which Darwin took it seriously. In exchange of that, he offered me to be one of his henchmen.

What’s more shocking was when I found out that Audrey was the very same girl who studied the same school as me.

She was burning when I carried her after she collapsed. No doubt, she wasn’t feeling very well on that day. In fact it’s obvious that she forced herself all the while.

With the grin of Darwin as if signaling me to have fun, I carried her to one of the luxury guest room. Placing her gently onto the bed, I could feel that the warm body leaving me. Her face was so red that it seems like she was very energetic. In fact she was a girl, overflowed with energy. Yet she was lying down motionlessly.

It’s seems like a perfect chance for me, but I did not continue any further. My principle was only to do it to the one whom I truly loved and she must love me as well. No doubt, she didn’t satisfy my principle.

More importantly, I need to fix her fever first. With the pills taken from the drawers, I held her up and fed her. My head was dizzy after those drinks with Darwin. With that I collapsed onto the bed as well.

The next morning, her cries were the first thing I heard.

It was too late when I tried to explain to her afterward.

But still, I had to be responsible for what I wished for. There was once when I stopped Audrey from committing suicide but i knew that I could not stop her if she chooses to do it elsewhere.

With that, I said something to her

“If you really hate me so much, then live to destroy my life!”

These words are like arrows, for which I couldn’t take them back after firing. Like an arrow which carried the duel invitation. I had invited myself to the hellish days where Audrey would try her best screwing up my days.

This is the when she starts transferring all the pain she had onto me.
This is when she starts to try her best to live again.
This is when my days get miserable…

But all these are about going to revert back to the day where she woke up if Darwin got himself onto her. Darwin was someone who meant his words and I am certainly that he will do her.

Despite my body hurts all over, I still continued to move. I do not want to be a coward who watched his lover got violated by this disgusting beast.

But it is obvious that I would not stand a chance fighting against him in my current state. I was doubtful, but Audrey cries managed to make me determined to fight against him.

I looked onto the moon filled sky. The sky was so bright with the gentle moonlight shone gently, but yet the ground was so dark.

Gleaming trails were flowing down from Audrey’s face.
Darwin’s disgusting actions were shown clearly.

Suddenly, I found something glittering amongst the dark ground beside me. It was like a star in the vast black sky.

It was a sharp pocketknife, glowing in the dark as if telling me to pick it up.

Without any hesitation I picked it up. I knew that I only had one chance. Any failure would mean the end of me and Audrey would be scarred forever.

However the consequence of me succeeding would mean that I had injured or even killed someone. Either way will not end up as good for me.

I got no time to waste. It’s only a matter of time before Darwin noticed me.

With the promises which I made to Audrey which I promised to brought back her laughter, I charged toward Darwin with my blood thirst blade glowing under the gentle moonlight.

Strategy 13 - Dreck

2009-12-27T03:30:00.000-08:00

The beautiful purplish flowerbed is filled with exotic white flowers leaning themselves toward the warmth sunlight, is what greeted me when I looked outside the small round windows when I woke up.

The world outside the windows seems to be so warm and cozy, as if it is waiting to embrace me with its warmth.

However, it was opposite inside.

It was icy and cold.

I couldn’t remember how long had I held onto my dress and cried. The once pure white dress was now stained with both the drink and my tears. It got tarnished.

So am I

Today is suppose to be a holy day for everyone where children will woke up with presents lying beside, while the parents will wake up from the cheers from their excited child.

Of course, I was not excluded as well.

I woke up, finding my “present” lying beside me.

It was a guy, a guy whom I do not know and do not wish to know.

I couldn’t explain what had happened until I saw the top of the table where I saw a bottle of tablets beside the glass cup.

I couldn’t know what I should do. I lying on a bed unknowingly and there is another man sleeping beside me all the while. My dress was loose and stained with the yellow residue of the drink earlier or was it something else which I never wished to find out.

I really couldn’t know what is going on.

I just cried.

I cried so hard that it woke him up. I couldn’t know what to do with him awoke.

Will he going to do anything he wants to me again?
Will he going to continue?

I had no answer to that. I just pushed him far away from me, hoping that I will never see this disgusting being ever again.

He shouted and telling me to stop. But I couldn’t listen to him as none of his words could even reach my ears. The cries inside me was too loud

The next thing he did was walking toward the table, filling up the glass cup with water. After filling up, he walked toward me with his hand holding onto the bottle of tablet.

I was staring at all his action and now he was approaching me with that unknown drug.

Is he going to drug me again?

I was confused and scared.

Every of his footsteps were making my heart stopped as he approached. Right in front of my face, was the cup of water with the tablet dissolved slowly into it as it gives off the dizzying sound.

I pushed his hand away, leaving the glass to fall onto the hard ground. The glass shattered as it lands. His expression was shocked but still his confusion wouldn’t even matched mine or even come close to what I am feeling right now.

“GET OUT!” I screamed.

With the creaking noise of the rusty hinge of the doors, he had left the room.

I looked outside the windows. It was like a perfect morning with clear sky, the warmth outside which seems waiting for me to embrace on.

However, no amount of heat will be able to thaw my deep frozen heart anymore.

I asked myself why did all these happened to me

Some people said that you might feel excited when you had your first time. Some said you might feel a little pain and others said that you will definitely love it.

But for me, I wouldn’t even able to feel anything.

I looked back on myself, looking at the stained dress which is wetted from my tears.

“I ‘m tarnished”
“I ‘m dirtied”
“I ‘m used”
“I ‘m no longer pure”
“I ‘m damaged”

In one short night, my body was no longer fit for marriage anymore.

Strategy 12 - schwach

2009-12-22T20:10:00.000-08:00

The path along the way was like a snowfield where the temperature seems to fall below zero degrees Celsius. It was awfully cold.

The winds get stronger and stronger each time. My legs which weren’t covered was freezing, making a hard time for me to walk. My head was getting heavier and heavier each step I walked, I was panting hard.

The journey seems like walking across the freezing Himalayas

Finally I reached my destination where Darwin was down there waiting for me. His presence purged all my lethargies away.

I couldn’t tell how happy I was especially since he waited for me all along. To add on, he even praised that my dress looked really good on me. I was ecstatic

Holding on Darwin’s hand, we headed down to the town. Along the way, we didn’t speak much except that I was all along holding onto his warm broad hand which seems like a pair of warm woolen glove for my hand.

However, the sky was grey and I couldn’t see well as my mind wasn’t really clear. The heat got into my head every step I made, making me dizzy. I couldn’t see where we are heading.

Suddenly I tripped onto a crack in between the red ceramic tiles. Just when I was about to fall, a hand pull me back in time.

“Are you okay?” Darwin asked in concern

I merely nodded my head while trying to keep myself up. But I know what my body couldn’t last as much as I wanted.

“Come on… Don’t collapse now…” I said to my inner self, hoping that I will be able to last for the whole day.

I couldn’t tell how far we walked. The lively surrounding had changed into a dark cement backyard which seems like a back alley.

“We have reached” Darwin said and I looked up.

The shop was badly decorated with strange English names and the decoration made it look like a pub.

The reception desk was a menu filled with all sort of names in different language. They are the names of the wines and liquor.

Darwin showed me the way into it familiarly as though he worked here. The red hard leather look expensive but it was dirty as it was not properly cleaned.

I was reluctant to sit down as I was afraid that it might stain my precious white dress. Eventually I got myself seated since I do not wish to disappoint Darwin.

With his fluent hand sign, the waiter came and he takes our order.

“As usual, Give me, two Special S” Darwin ordered it fluently as if he was a frequent customer here.

The next moment, he arrived with 2 glasses of gleaming golden liquid which seems like beer.

“I couldn’t take alcohol yet…” I told Darwin as I was trying to enquiry that this is non alcoholic.

“It’s okay… It’s just some fruit juice cocktail” Darwin assured me.

With the assurance Darwin gave, I drank a little from the glass. It really did taste so funny and I could feel that my throat was burning a little. But I couldn’t know what that is.

“Next one coming up, finished it…” Darwin continued

I couldn’t tell what I am drinking but all I know is that I finished it as requested by him. It tasted funny, having a sight sweet yet bitter taste and yet leaving a cooling sensation on your throat as if you had eaten “Mentos” earlier.

However my head was getting heavier and heavier. The burning sensation I felt on my head got even stronger after drinking that.

Right in front of me was the waiter taking the second order and placing it in front of me. With my dizziness, I couldn’t hear what he said but he was talking and laughing together with Darwin.

My eyes kept shutting and opening. My body was weak. I shouldn’t have come in the first place if I brought trouble for Darwin.

I couldn’t feel anything.

The next moment, I knocked onto the drinks placed in front of me, staining my dress and the waiter was caught surprised.

I wished I could get myself away from the spillage but I couldn’t. My body is too weak to move and my head is splitting.

“Kobe, the rest is up to you…”

This was the last thing I heard from Darwin talking to the waiter.

With that I collapsed.

Strategy 11 - Erkältung

2009-12-22T20:07:00.000-08:00

The sound of the alarm resonated loudly through the room like a wailing baby seeking for attention. It was so disturbing that I couldn’t stand it anymore

With a hand coming out of the cave of blanket which I burrowed myself in, I tried to locate the “source” of the noise. Like a blind mole trying to find its way out, my hand had knocked onto several decorations, lying along the drawers in the process of the search party.

My fingers brushed against the metallic casing which seems so cold that it gave my fingers a static shock. My hand hid away reflexively.

Followed up was the chilly wind which sends a sharp chill down to my nerve as it hit my hand.

Once again I moved my hand away, back into the warm and cozy blanket which seems like heated room in the cold winter.

The very next moment, I leaped out from my blanket after recalling of something which is very important.

“Today is Christmas Eve and also it’s my date with Darwin!” I remembered suddenly and my mind was clear.

As I leapt out, I was chilled down to my spine as I totally forget that it’s was chilly outside.

Something is wrong.

It was not chilly outside but it’s more like I was feeling a lot warmer. Touching my face with both of my hands, I could feel that it was hot. My neck was red as well. I had got down with a fever.

I can’t deny that it was related to yesterday. I had run under the rain for hours and with my clothes soaked and stuck onto my skin. The worst is that I woke up in the same clothes as yesterday.

“I cannot afford to get sick in today!”

With that determination, I moved my body down to the bathroom and took a quick shower with the heater adjusted to the maximum.

The way back to my room was hellish. No matter how slight the wind is, I froze whenever it brushed through me. However my determination did not extinguish that easily.

Like all girls have, I also have a big black wardrobe which contains my whole collection of dresses and attire. Even though, there are so many choices for me to make, but I still couldn’t decide which is my favorite combination.

“Should I wear this white dress?”
“This looks good and fringy, I think Darwin would like that”
“Maybe too exposed?”

I couldn’t decide which to wear seriously.

Nonetheless, I had finally made my choice of wearing the white dress with fringes around since I want to give him a White Christmas. Of course, this is my favorite dress which I did not wear them out before as it will be stained easily since it’s white.

Time was pressing me as I was about to be late.

Strategy 10 - Regen

2009-12-20T20:52:00.000-08:00

23^thDecember 2008
Rainy

Dear Diary,

Today was a bad day especially since I need to visit the dentist to have my teeth checked right before Christmas Eve.

Even though I’m 16 now but, I still have the fear of entering the overly clean dentist office where the smell of rubbing alcohol lingered in the air. For some reason, I found that it does smell exactly like old people.

The room was filled with the high pitch noise of the drills as they were rotating at extremely high speed. What worse is that, those drills will be used on you later on. It was definitely scary!

I couldn’t remember what was done to me all the while when I was lying down there still, like a corpse. It’s more like I do not wish to remember what happen. Perhaps my mind does not want to get scarred so it did not record down this scary experience.

Of course, I wasn’t alone as I know that Darwin was right outside, waiting for me.

The exit of the dentist office seems like the staircase to the heaven where freedom is await for me

I pushed open the glass door, hoping to give a surprise to Darwin. But he was not there.

I looked around. Nothing was there except the rows of empty chairs and the reception desk was packing up.

“Where could he be?” I thought to myself.

I was the impatient type, so I called him instead since I don’t really like suspense and I rather get the information quick and accurate.

No matter how many times I called, there is no one picking up. I was worried as he promised me that he will be the first one I meet once I leave the dentist office.

Tons of questions and doubt flow into my minds, telling me whether he lying or he got into an accident.

I took the second option, as there is no way he could lie to me especially since he promised.

I ran out of the building.

What greeted me was the splashing sound of the rain, as if that there is someone dropping water balloon down from the roof. It was loud and I never expect that it’s would rain as heavy as this.

I couldn’t know what to do, maybe Darwin got caught in the rain and he was late as usual. Or maybe he fell while coming here since it was raining.

“Maybe he fell and he nearly got knocked down by a car since it was a heavy rain…”

“Maybe he got knocked down by a car and was lying somewhere…”

I couldn’t stop thinking of it. Images of him getting into more serious accidents start to surface to my mind one by one.

I can’t stop myself from feeling anxious about him. The next thing I did was to run out to search for him.

The next thing I remember was that I had run for hours under the heavy storm. My clothes were soaked down to my skin as the merciless rain slapped onto my body.

Passerbies were helpful as they offered me their umbrellas, but it was too late as I was already this wet.

Nothing feels worse than feeling this cold and lonely. My hearing was numbed by the heavy yet synchronized pitter patter noise.

Maybe this is what a Christmas should be, cold and lonely.

However, I wasn’t rewarded by finding him. He was nowhere to be found. Feeling disappointed, I headed home with my clothes soaked and my messy hair which stuck stubbornly onto my forehead.

In the noisy environment, the pleasant melody of my ringtone echoed through the house.

I picked up the phone.

“Sorry I was a little busy earlier…”

It was Darwin and hearing his words relieved me from all the anxious I felt earlier. He was safe at least.

I couldn’t know what to reply as I was both mentally and physically exhausted.

“It’s okay…” I replied automatically without any thinking.

“Tomorrow is Christmas Eve right?” He added

“Yup…” I replied happily as he was about to ask me out on this holy day.

“How about meeting at our usual spot tomorrow at 4pm? Of course surprise me with your best attire” he added

He was definitely asking me out! I was so happy since this is the first time someone asked me out during Christmas Eve.

The conversation ended but my enthusiasm for tomorrow hasn’t.

星空 － 二人の願い